Secret Icon - PSP.png

Secrets are a feature introduced in The Sims 2 for PSP. They are pieces of information scattered through Strangetown, to be collected by the player. Once found, they are stored in the My Sim panel.

There are three types of secrets in the games.

  • Sim-related secrets: These secrets can be achieved by interacting with the Sim via social minigames. Personal secrets are acquired by reaching to level 4 of the chat minigame, intimate secrets are acquired by reaching to level 4 of the flirt minigame, and dark secrets are acquired after a successful intimidate minigame. A fourth Sim-related secret can only be acquired by completing goals. Townies (known as neighbors in The Sims 2 for PSP) do not have a fourth secret.
  • Secrets of a certain subject: These secrets are found in the world as secret objects, set at a random, yet predestined, order. Again, each subject has four secrets.
  • Mission-based secrets: These secrets are discovered in their own mission, just like the fourth Sim-related secrets, but are acquired in a similar fashion to Secrets of a certain subject.

Sim-related secrets[edit | edit source]

Oscar Del Fuego[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Oscar has a tattoo of a rattlesnake... somewhere on his body.
  2. (Intimate): Oscar wears leopard skin underwear to work when he's feeling "festive".
  3. (Dark): Sometimes Oscar overcharges for repairs to pay for his music-downloading fines.
  4. (Philistine!): Oscar thinks that Michelangelo painted the Mona Lisa.

Bella Goth[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Bella married for money... but stayed for free premium cable!
  2. (Intimate): Bella never REALLY loved Mortimer... she married him for his money.
  3. (Dark): Bella knows Kung Fu. A man named Kung Fu. He does all her landscaping. Nice guy.
  4. (Bella's Alien Secret): Bella is running away because she was abducted by aliens!

Mambo Loa[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Mambo Loa uses mild head-shrinking techniques to keep her hair in line.
  2. (Intimate): When she gets that thousand-mile stare in her eyes, you know she's in love. Or insane.
  3. (Dark): Mambo's got a voodoo doll of everyone in town... just in case they mess with the Mambo.
  4. (Trash Donuts): Mambo Loa hides her donuts in the trash can in the restroom. Gross!

Deputy Duncan[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Mambo Loa used to teach Duncan's music class in kindergarten.
  2. (Intimate): Duncan developed a young crush on Mambo Loa, and kept it secret for years.
  3. (Dark): When Mambo Loa rejected Duncan's advances, he started STALKING her!
  4. (Ungrateful Dead): Deputy Duncan says that Paradise Place is built on an old cemetery!

Loki Beaker[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Loves to chew on aluminum foil to make his teeth "buzz".
  2. (Intimate): That thick, wavy hair is really just a high-tech evil-genius toupee.
  3. (Dark): Met his wife by lurking in an online chatroom devoted to lurking in online chatrooms.
  4. (Loki's Secret Patents): Loki has secret patents for an electric vomit recycler and fuzzy carrying case. Sounds delicious!

Circe Beaker[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Every time she sneezes, she forgets what happened in the last five minutes.
  2. (Intimate): Nothing excites her more than volunteering for crazy science experiments.
  3. (Dark): Circe is secretly jealous of her husband's independence and distinction. Also, she hates his cooking.
  4. (Circe's Affair): Circe has been sneaking off with Doctor Dominic Newlow!

Gimi Branko[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Became a garbage man so he'd have another source for his "merchandise"...
  2. (Intimate): Was once seen dancing with a homemade scarecrow in the junkyard.
  3. (Dark): Claims he owns a magic sword with "a thousand years of power!"
  4. (Compromising Position): Gimi was found half-crazed in the Beakers' dungeon.

Roland Calonzo[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Lost his big toe in a traumatizing foolish childhood game of "steal my toe".
  2. (Intimate): Loves Hazel because "she's crazy and you never know what she'll do next".
  3. (Dark): Roland is a bit scared because Hazel once told him she "loved him to death".
  4. (Dallying with the Help): Roland had a fling with Hazel as her pool boy before they got engaged.

Hazel Dente[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Dabbles in "home remedies"... involving arsenic, bitter almonds, and strychnine.
  2. (Intimate): Hazel's got a thing for guys with money... a thing called "bad luck".
  3. (Dark): Can stop a man's heart just by glancing at him! The evil eye!
  4. (Serial Monogamist): Hazel Dente may have caused her husbands' deaths so she could keep their money!

Emily Emory[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Emily Emory died in 1923. She has been haunting the Espiritu Estate ever since.
  2. (Intimate): Emily Emory has a bit of a crush on you, but she's too ashamed to admit it.
  3. (Dark): Emily HATES the way you chew your food, but she would never admit it.
  4. (Haunted House): The Espiritu Estate is haunted by three scary ghosts.

Dominic Newlow[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Forgot to patent his laser veggie-dicer doomsday device and lost millions.
  2. (Intimate): Secretly loves to be humiliated so he has an excuse for evil vendettas.
  3. (Dark): Prefers sixties- and seventies-era spy movies to the modern stuff.
  4. (Secret Identity): Dominic Newlow is really an evil supergenius who calls himself "Doctor Dominion"!

Penelope Kline[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): She invented her own headache remedy called "Tears of a Clown".
  2. (Intimate): Gets terrible stage fright, which cripples her professional line-dancing ambitions.
  3. (Dark): Thinks deep-fried marshmallows are a holiday delicacy.

Isaac Rossum[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Isaac's first invention was an automated rescue helicopter. But he bungled it.
  2. (Intimate): Isaac used to work as a city planner years ago. His cities always had heavy traffic.
  3. (Dark): Isaac is now developing a single-celled organism that will evolve in mere minutes.
  4. (Robotic Wife): Roberta is actually a ROBOT that Isaac built in his workroom using bits of old toasters!

Roberta Rossum[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Has an inexplicable craving to condition her hair with motor oil each morning.
  2. (Intimate): Nothing gets her motor going faster than having her buttons pushed repeatedly.
  3. (Dark): She routinely solves an array of variable, functional problems and is sick of getting pointers to this data.
  4. (Rebellious Robot): Roberta has always dreamed of having free will... and a way to leave her husband.

Vaughan Ferretino[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Is convinced that his dead parrot is "just sleeping".
  2. (Intimate): Sometimes eats baby food at the supermarket when nobody is looking.
  3. (Dark): This guy is totally paranoid, and thinks an outside force is controlling his entire life.

Tureen Allard[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Secretly throws dandelion seeds onto her neighbor's lawn at night.
  2. (Intimate): Has been known to stay up 48 hours straight watching old cartoons.
  3. (Dark): Held the high score on the town's only pinball machine before it broke. Mysteriously.

Scoots Turnberry[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Smuggles illegal wool tartan blankets into the country for extra income.
  2. (Intimate): Left his native land to chase skirts... he has a whole collection in his closet.
  3. (Dark): Moved to Strangetown to get away from the stress and strain of unemployment.

Erin Philips[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Once accidentally poisoned her friends with a bad casserole.
  2. (Intimate): Used to be a track and field star... until her "Happy Juice Problem" came to light.
  3. (Dark): Blew all the money from her divorce on a shady pyramid scheme.

Lincoln Broadsheet[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Lincoln lost the use of his legs in a freak stapler accident.
  2. (Intimate): Lincoln Broadsheet likes to watch Virginya Feng from his window... a little too much.
  3. (Dark): Lincoln was barred from practicing journalism in Miniopolis for his crazy ideas.
  4. (Squatter): A reporter named Lincoln has set up shop in the abandoned library, probably illegally.

Ophelia Specter[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Ophelia no longer uses internet dating... "I live in a graveyard" doesn't attract the best men.
  2. (Intimate): Ophelia has trouble sleeping without the soothing wail of a frenzied ghost.
  3. (Dark): Ophelia is so absent minded, she's been known to find her keys, but lose her house!
  4. (To Heir is Human): Ophelia knocked over the bookcase where her mother's will was kept.

Hoot Howell[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Hoot used to train owls as watchdogs... but it was hard to keep them on a leash.
  2. (Intimate): Hoot started the saloon with the profits from selling a single giant belt buckle.
  3. (Dark): Hoot's parents promised him a puppy... but they brought home a sister instead.
  4. (Struggling Saloon): Hoot's business has been going badly since the Night Beast arrived.

Annie Howell[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Annie gave up college to pursue her dream of sitting at home, wishing she'd gone to college.
  2. (Intimate): Annie was actually adopted from an underground facility next to the county zoo.
  3. (Dark): When you pushed her to the edge, Annie looked like she might SNAP! Scary girl.
  4. (Holy Howling Hoochies!): Annie Howell is the Night Beast!

Virginya Feng[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Virginya hates being out in the sun... maybe she's worried about her complexion.
  2. (Intimate): Has been known to give some killer hickies every once in a while.
  3. (Dark): Apparently, there is some bad blood going way back between Virginya and the Kine Society...
  4. (Virginya the Vamp): Virginya Feng is a vampire, and has been undead since the 19th century!

Tex Folsom[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Was the first member of his family to graduate from middle school.
  2. (Intimate): Wants to make a horror movie... but where could he get half a dozen zombies?
  3. (Dark): Once punched himself out in a rage after subjecting himself to self-deprecating humor.

Dante Hudd[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Thinks "dynamite fishing" makes for a great first date.
  2. (Intimate): Sells his art online for loads of cash. Once, he made an entire Simoleon!
  3. (Dark): Once didn't wash for three weeks just to "see what he smelled like".

Dixie Stills[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Once wrestled professionally under the name "Southern Discomfort".
  2. (Intimate): You can find at least a dozen marriages in town that she has wrecked.
  3. (Dark): Descended from workers on an illegal juice orchard. Still cringes when she hears a siren.

Yeva Comonova[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Occasionally steals money from the register to feed her raging bubblegum habit.
  2. (Intimate): Yeva once had a nose job... she trimmed other people's nose hair for a living.
  3. (Dark): Yeva practices signing her name again and again, "just in case" someone wants an autograph.
  4. (She's a Little Too Happy...): The Dairy is apparently owned and operated by the creepy Kine Society.

Rick Wong[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Rick guards the Kine Compound as seriously as he monitored hallways in grade school.
  2. (Intimate): Rick collects action figures from the "Heroes of Agriculture" line.
  3. (Dark): Rick used to be a bouncer at the Nighthowl, but he bored patrons with endless questions.
  4. (Qualifying Round): Rick's little "impromptu" quiz is actually the first step of initiation into the Kine Society.

Sinjin Balani[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Sinjin once tried to start a sheep-themed secret society, but people only said, "Bah!"
  2. (Intimate): Sinjin wins the Kine Society spitting contest every single year.
  3. (Dark): Sinjin has switched to skim milk to lose weight. But he still preaches the virtues of whole!
  4. (The Truth about the Kine): Sinjin Balani secretly knows that the Kine Society is based on a lie.

Sara Starr[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): When she's not ranting and raving, Sara likes to relax with some fireside power-knitting.
  2. (Intimate): Sara only pretends to be interested in Sinjin Balani. She wants to take his place.
  3. (Dark): Sara's not all about hierarchies and competition. She's also about stepping on the little guy.
  4. (Kine Sunrise Ritual): You now know the secret Sunrise Ritual of the Kine Society.

Bull Dratch[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Has been in love with Sara Starr ever since she got to Strangetown.
  2. (Intimate): Hates churning butter so much that he makes a point of "contaminating" every batch.
  3. (Dark): Was banned from writing pamphlets because he couldn't stop making dirty jokes.

Marie Au Lait[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Is a direct descendant of Louis Pasteur, who made milk-drinking safe for the world.
  2. (Intimate): Sometimes talks to the stuffed animals she named after her ex-boyfriends.
  3. (Dark): Likes to 'spoil' mice and rats by putting imported cheese in their mousetraps.

Pita Florica[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Pita can't abide the smell of deodorant, which is why she keeps Gimi around.
  2. (Intimate): Has dreamed of running off to be a motorcycle mechanic since she was a little girl.
  3. (Dark): Pita knows a secret family recipe for gasless bean burritos.
  4. (Disappointed Heir): Pita's claim on the Meetinghouse is no good. It really belongs to Ophelia.

Kristina Love[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Ran away from home as a teenager and joined some traveling acrobats.
  2. (Intimate): Owns about three thousand cats, only two of whom really appreciate her.
  3. (Dark): Gets all her romantic advice from fortune cookies and teen magazines.

Betsy Shelton[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Hates the Kine Society, but is really just jealous of the cool dresses they wear.
  2. (Intimate): Has made out with everyone in town, except the Night Beast, and it's next!
  3. (Dark): Fantasizes constantly about Lincoln Broadsheet... about wringing his neck, that is!

Chet Crawley[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Got kicked out of the army because he sucked at the bugle.
  2. (Intimate): Once ratted out his own girlfriend to avoid jail time.
  3. (Dark): Used to be addicted to daytime soap operas, before he discovered video games.

Jesse Lee Varmint[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Has been plagued with a "gas problem" since he was a child.
  2. (Intimate): Can drink an entire bottle of hot sauce. It only takes him about five weeks.
  3. (Dark): Has been known to break into his own home at night after the saloon closes.

General Buzz Grunt[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): They call him Buzz because he shaves his chest every morning.
  2. (Intimate): Buzz got his stripes by pushing paper above and beyond the call of duty.
  3. (Dark): Buzz sleeps with a teddy bear in camouflage that he calls "the Brigadier".
  4. (Keep Enemies Closer): General Grunt has imprisoned the Smith family under the guise of "protecting" them.

Colonel Tank Grunt[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Tank wanted to go into ballet, but his father forced him into the military.
  2. (Intimate): Tank secretly blames Ripp for stealing his first love... an action figure named Missy McBoom.
  3. (Dark): Tank once got punished by Buzz for being "too creative" with his face paint.
  4. (Tank's Incompetence): Tank let someone hack into his security computer.

Corporal Ripp Grunt[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Ripp always loves to look at the stars... until he walks into a lamppost.
  2. (Intimate): Ripp lost much of his body hair in an experimental blow-dryer incident.
  3. (Dark): Ripp's debilitating fear of toilets was caused by one too many swirlies as a child.
  4. (Innocent Victim): Ripp's brother beats him up regularly, even though they are both adults.

Jenny Smith[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Jenny loves the smell of Napalm. It reminds her of her dad.
  2. (Intimate): Jenny says kissing her husband is like eating spinach... it's green and messy.
  3. (Dark): Jenny's feet are actually flippers, but she paints them to look like real feet.
  4. (Nocturnal Investigation): Jenny admits to you that her husband leaves every night to search the crashed UFO.

Johnny Smith[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Johnny knows that green skin is just like red hair... a great reason to bully a smaller kid.
  2. (Intimate): Whenever Johnny gets really excited, he starts to smell like fish.
  3. (Dark): When Johnny was born, he looked like a squid. It's all been downhill from there.
  4. (Cabin Fever): Johnny Smith ran away from Division 47, and is hiding out in Deadtree.

Jill Smith[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Jill has always dreamed of becoming an astronaut and meeting her ancestors.
  2. (Intimate): Jill's pigtails are just a disguise to hide the eyes in the back of her head.
  3. (Dark): Jill has the secret ability to set people on fire. It terrifies her, so she keeps it hidden.
  4. (Homebody): Jill is strangely tolerant of living in the barracks. It's like she belongs there.

Mister Smith[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Pollination Tech #9 really thinks his "human disguise" is working.
  2. (Intimate): A traditional alien first date includes a trip around the moon and a swift kick in the pants.
  3. (Dark): His favorite thing about living on earth?... Free chlorofluorocarbons!
  4. (Special Delivery): The crashed UFO was here to deliver a personal item to Mister Smith.

Lazlo Curious[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Lazlo became a scientist for one reason... the test monkeys. He just loves monkeys.
  2. (Intimate): Lazlo developed a recipe for air-puffed turkey. The same turkey taste, but less filling!
  3. (Dark): Claims to have contacted a lost civilization with the aid of two pie tins and duct tape.
  4. (Xenophile): Vidcund claims that Lazlo has been skulking around the UFO with an alien.

Pascal Curious[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Pascal claims to have been impregnated by aliens!
  2. (Intimate): Every time Pascal eats calamari, it reminds him of his mother.
  3. (Dark): Pascal has had a crazy itch since his abduction, which he just can't seem to scratch!
  4. (Proud Father): Pascal actually gave BIRTH to baby Tycho after he was abducted by aliens.

Vidcund Curious[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): He was once a stand-up comic... When he told jokes, everyone would stand up to leave.
  2. (Intimate): Vidcund used to be a fire fighter, but got fired for being too hot-headed...
  3. (Dark): Vidcund sold Tycho to the Dudes in Black so they would fund his secret project.
  4. (Working with the Enemy): Lazlo claims that Vidcund has been working with the Dudes in Black.

Dude in Black[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Like women the way they like their socks ... thick, clean, and slightly fuzzy.
  2. (Intimate): They all dream of someday buying a white suit and living in the tropics.
  3. (Dark): They wear underpants made entirely of lead to protect him from radiation.
  4. (The Dudes in Black): You now know the passcode into the Secret Sublevel: 24601.

Winnie Chester[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Likes to yell, 'Attention!' when her date starts to ignore her at dinner.
  2. (Intimate): The only reason she joined the military was for the snappy uniform.
  3. (Dark): Lost her eyebrows in the line of duty. Now she has to paint them in every morning.

Sten Luger[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): His only vice is using too much butter on his toast, when he's feeling indulgent.
  2. (Intimate): Didn't qualify for Special Forces because his feet were too short.
  3. (Dark): When his unit goes on leave, he sneaks off to Pants-wetting Cowards Anonymous.

Clint Heckler[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Received his first boy scout badge for building a fully-defended ant fortress.
  2. (Intimate): Follows a strict creed of honor, duty, respect, greed and nepotism.
  3. (Dark): His unit once chased down a kidnapped alien while armed only with walkie-talkies.

Jane Koch[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Her parents gave her dolls and dresses, but she used them as hostages and tourniquets.
  2. (Intimate): Unknown to ANYONE in town, her REAL name is 'Janet.' Shocking!
  3. (Dark): Hates clay pigeons with an eternal, burning passion.

Cristian Allard[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): His sole joy and purpose in life is to secretly sabotage Lazlo's experiments. 
  2. (Intimate): Can't seem to distinguish proctology from speleology. 
  3. (Dark): Uses a complex multivariable algorithm to choose his socks every morning.

Red Sands[edit | edit source]

  1. (Personal): Earned the early fame by inventing non-explosive 'child-safe' TNT.
  2. (Intimate): Has perfect plan for doomsday device, but can't obtain public funding. 
  3. (Dark): Stays up late each night trying to transmute gold into lead.

Secrets of a certain subject[edit | edit source]

Secrets of the Aliens[edit | edit source]

  • Aliens don't have huge black eyes. They just wear ultra-cool alien sunglasses.
  • Aliens don't abduct humans for study... they just need somewhere to keep their unused probes.
  • Curiously enough, most aliens are not flammable, though they are terribly allergic to bees.
  • Flying saucers are the alien equivalent of jetskis. Responsible aliens drive minivans.

Secrets of the Occult[edit | edit source]

  • Most experts agree that sticking pins in a doll's rear is more effective than in the eye.
  • Bats are useful for cold remedies and curses, but mostly, they're just darn scary.
  • Voodoo dolls can be recycled into clothing, stuffing, or chew toys for dogs.
  • Modern zombies are employed as game developers because they can work around the clock.

Secrets of the Undead[edit | edit source]

  • Mummies aren't as bad as people make them out to be... they've just got a bad wrap.
  • Zombies don't literally want "brains"... they just want a decent education.
  • Wild yeti are actually glaciovores, and only pose a threat to aggressive snowmen.
  • The living dead prefer to use the more inclusive term "respiratorally challenged".

Secrets about Monsters[edit | edit source]

  • The original "Bogeyman" had a condition that made him secrete snot from his sweat glands.
  • Vampirism isn't nearly as virulent as people think. Most people shake it off like a bad cold.
  • The legend of the Minotaur is false... he actually had the head of a giant gerbil.
  • Dragons once roamed all over the world, but were hunted to extinction by sheep ranchers.

Secrets of the Government[edit | edit source]

  • The Roswell crash was actually a weather balloon... an ALIEN weather balloon!
  • There is nothing better for your cranial hygiene than a good government brain-washing.
  • The ultimate democracy would allow all people to vote on all issues and ruin them equally.
  • A typical Sim City is presided over by an elected mayor, a board of advisors, and a giant robot.

Secrets of Engineering[edit | edit source]

  • Scientists at Division 47 have developed a new energy-efficient fuel based on hair.
  • New military-grade "stealth toothbrushes" allow oral hygiene without waking the whole family.
  • Aliens built every architectural wonder on earth, culminating in the perfection of Burlington, Vermont.
  • Moore and Murphy predict that every year, computers will double their capacity to go wrong.

Secrets of Biology[edit | edit source]

  • Biologists have synthesized a flower that adheres perfectly to principles of Feng Shui.
  • Apparently, money DOES grow on trees, but the trees all waste it on junk food and hats.
  • If a tree falls alone in the forest, it actually makes the sound of a duck quacking.
  • Scientists can finally communicate with dolphins... but it turns out dolphins are jerks.

Secrets of Romance[edit | edit source]

  • The shortest route to a man's heart is through the Vena Cava.
  • If the woman you love is always nearby, but never seems to notice you... stop stalking her.
  • The key to instant romantic success? Lower your standards.
  • The fires of passion are readily extinguished by the asbestos blanket of responsibility.

Secrets of Intimidation[edit | edit source]

  • Water torture is generally ineffective, since water doesn't really have anything to hide.
  • "Good Cop, Bad Cop" isn't nearly as effective as "Good Cop, Undead Cop". They never see it coming!
  • If the subject does not yield to the comfy chair, you should advance to the soft pillows.
  • Sometimes you can learn more through love than through cruelty. Just kidding!

Mission-based secrets[edit | edit source]

Secrets of Hazel Dente's fiances[edit | edit source]

  • In the Garden... There is a pacemaker buried in Hazel's garden!
  • In the Bathroom... There is a scratched-up wedding ring lodged in Hazel's drain!
  • In the Kitchen... There is a note in Hazel's fridge: "Help, my wife is starving me to DEATH!"
  • In the Pool... There is a shredded swimsuit in Hazel's pool filter.

Secrets about Virginya Feng[edit | edit source]

  • The Headstone: Virginya visits a headstone with HER name on it! From the 19th century!
  • The Photograph: You find a picture of 19th-century Virginya. She looks exactly like modern Virginya.
  • The Black Market: You find out that Gimi Branko has been selling packets of plasma to Virginya Feng.
  • The Infection: You are infected with vampirism. You can suck the happiness from living humans.

Roland's Pamphlet says...[edit | edit source]

  • Always stay with the herd. The stray cow falls into the thicket.
  • Always keep your eyes on the cow in front of you. Attention yields obedience.
  • Always look to the future. The path behind you is strewn with manure.
  • Always be wary... the enemy tips the cow who sleeps.

The Bovinomicon states that...[edit | edit source]

  • The great cow Beelzebeef slumbers beneath the surface of the earth.
  • When Beelzebeef rises again, she will awaken the Elder Herd.
  • The Elder Herd will trample all those who stray from the teachings of the Kine.
  • Once the earth is cleansed, there will be a new era of peace and delicious grass.
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