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The Diner Guy
Name: The Diner Guy
Genre: Comedy
Created by: Lost Labyrinth
Rating: R (15)
Number of chapters: 20

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The Diner Guy is a fan-fiction created by some random guy with nothing to do. It is a comedy which will (hopefully) keep you laughing for a while.

Characters Edit

  • Lucas - the main character. He is a lazy and clumsy chef at the diner.
  • Lauren - a waitress and Lucas' love interest.
  • Jose - the owner of the diner and Lucas' manager.
  • Charlie Sheen - a customer.
  • Ronald McDonald - business competitor.
  • Immam - a fellow chef, who is seen as a rival to Lucas.
  • Lion Fabrics - a golfer (based on Tiger Woods) who is the main antagonist.

Character Gallery Edit

Plot Edit

Chapter I: Job Application Edit

my name is lucas

i is looking for a job to earn cash to pay my mortgage.

i worked at a bar local school where i was very nasty nice to customers students

i cook nothing

i just need a job

plz give me the job!!!1111!!

That was the application that Lucas sent in to the Diner. In reaction to this, Jose said, "Well, at least it is better than the one from that guy who claimed to be a zombie..."

It read, "give me the job or ill eat your brains please reply soon TROLOLOLO"

Jose grabbed the telephone and phoned Lucas. Lucas picked up the phone and greeted Jose with, "WHAT DO YOU WANT? I have a hangover, I can't seem to understand where this woman in my house came from, I need a bath, I puked everywhere and I really don't know what is going on right now! I would be forever greatful if you told me what it was you wanted because if you don't have a reason then get lost!" After hearing that greeting, Jose replied, "Amigo, you cook, yes? You have a job at the diner! Show up at 10am tomorrow and please no alcohol consumption tonight, it makes it hard for anyone to enjoy their food!" Jose hung up the phone and Lucas celebrated with, "AWWWWWWW YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Chapter II: The First Day Edit

The next day, Lucas' alarm went off at 11am, one hour later than it was meant to. He went into his kitchen for some coffee. He had filled the coffee mug with a liquid and he drank it. As he drank the liquid, his mouth burned. He realised that he was out of coffee and he was drinking boiling hot water. "OH MY GOD! THIS IS SO UNREAL! OH MY GOD! MY PLUMBBOB HAS TURNED RED! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING! I AM CALLING IN SICK!" shouted Lucas in agony.

"No amigo, I will not ask a Servo to do your job for you! Get to work and stop wasting my time!" shouted Jose down the phone as Lucas phoned in sick. "This guy is ruining business! I miss the days I sold hot dogs at Goth Manor only to be spooked!"

Lucas didn't eat breakfast. He didn't go for a bath or a shower either. He just got in a taxi and made his way to the diner. "Diner please bro!" Lucas said to the driver. As he was driving through Sunset Valley, the taxi driver noticed a foul stench. "You sure you don't want to go to the Gym instead? They have free showers!" said the driver. Lucas replied, "Nice one loser, please do what I'm paying you for...PLEASE!"

"§50 please" asked the driver. "Send the bill to Malcolm Landgraab if you want anything, he's rich!" replied Lucas. As Lucas walked through the door of the diner, Jose said, "A hobo is here for food? HAHAHA that is a classic one amigo!" Lucas looked at Jose and replied, "You're that guy who told me I'm a waste of time!" Jose looked shocked and replied, "No, I said you're wasting my time! Let's just take a look around!"

"This is Lauren, she is our waiter and the best at that!" said Jose. Lucas looked at Lauren and immediately fell in love. "Nice you!" Lucas said to Lauren. After witnessing his foul stench, Lauren replied, " too!" Jose then introduced Lucas to Immam. "Ohai dur Immam, you cook food?" asked Lucas. Immam was instantly offended by Lucas' presence. "I'll leave you amigos to it! I'll give you your uniform later and please, take a wash!" said Jose.

After first meeting Lucas, Immam said, "Listen, I have worked here for 10 years now, noone will outclass me! I am the best. Just because I'm not from Sunset Valley doesn't mean I can't cook. I was awarded the best chef award every year for the past 7 years. I know how to do my job, I don't need users like you to tell me. Understand comrade?" Lucas then gave Immam a blank look and replied, "Your shirt is untucked." Imman then stared at Lucas with hate and Lucas then walked away and said, "We should be friends, we'll pwn the noobs on Call of Duty....maybe I should just go."

As Lucas walked out of the room, Immam said to himself, "Life gets harder as of today..."

Chapter III: First Lesson Edit

The next day, Lucas did go to work but without the foul stench. "Okay guys, we need two burgers and drinks to go!" requsted Lauren. "Oh my god...I can't believe it. I FINALLY HAVE AN ORDER! MY MOM WOULD BE SO PROUD!" said Lucas. Lauren replied, "Okay then..."

"Immam my brother, lets do this thing! I'll take it from here!" said Lucas. Immam replied, "Not so fast...your job application said "i cook nothing", Jose tells me these things, I am his most trusted employee. There is a method for cooking burgers, I'll do one to show you!" Immam went to get the burger ready to cook. "First you put the beef on the grill and then...WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU DOING?" shouted Immam. Lucas had already compiled together a burger. Immam snatches the burger from Lucas and takes it apart to observe it.

"Hah! Did you really think I was stupid? You're meant to put the secret sauce UNDER the beef, not on top of it!" said Immam. "What does it matter? It'll taste the same!" replied Lucas. "It's not a secret anymore, someone can see the sauce and it's all your fault!" shouted Immam. Lucas took the burger back and took Immam's prepared burger too and gave them both to Lauren. Lauren gave the two burgers to Charlie Sheen, an actor who is eating in the diner.

"Hmm, the one with the sauce underneath the beef tastes great but the other one tastes like my last TV show to be cancelled. Next time I come here, I want better service!" said Sheen. Sheen then called Lauren over and gave her the money. "Here is a tip for you beautiful, want to come with me?" asked Sheen. Lauren had a look of disgust on her face and replied, "Me and...YOU? I'd rather date that new guy who can't find the shower...or a sense of hygiene."

While Lucas is on his break, Immam goes to Jose's office and says, "Are you stupid? Putting me with that guy will make us go out of business!" Jose laughed and replied, "If it wasn't him, it would be a drunken mess who is as wild as the Energizer bunny." Immam looked unimpressed and replied, "He is a drunken mess...or he was yesterday. Today, he is incompetant!" Jose laughed again and replied, "Then you see we have him, only him. Face it amigo, he could become something special, given the right time..."

As the evening draws to a close and the staff are about to go home, Lucas goes to Lauren to speak to her. "Hey there, how old are you?" asked Lucas. Lauren replied, "I'm only 19 and I guess you're like...young-ish?" Lucas looked surprised and he told Lauren that he was also 19. As they walked the streets of Sunset Valley, they spoke of their life experiences and things they liked.

"Y'know, I thought you were a jerk yesterday but you actually seem to be a really nice guy. Anyway, this is my house. I'll see you tomorrow." said Lauren. Lucas walked the rest of the length to his house, after arguing with the taxi company regarding a young Malcolm being forced to pay a bill, with a smile on his face, knowing that he met someone at work who he could relate to.

Chapter IV: You failed at that, but can you deliver? Edit

A few days had passed since Lucas started working at the diner. Whether it was clogging up a toilet, burning food or one weird case of a Coca-Cola being swapped for alcohol, leaving Dr. Will Wright to fix game code surgical equipment to save lives. Jose didn't seem to care what Lucas did, Lauren was a good friend to Lucas and Immam had almost had enough, but he had one thing which he thought Lucas couldn't mess up...

"Yo, idiot! I have a new job for you! Take my car and deliver this pizza to 330 Oak Grove Road. Please, do not mess this up, I need to pay for insurance. Now get outta here!" commanded Immam. Lucas got into the car, turned the volume up and played the loudest music anyone could hear, even the Police didn't seem to care. "330 Oak Grove Road...gotta remember that." thought Lucas, as he really didn't want to get everything wrong.

Lucas arrived at 330 Oak Grove Road and knocked on the door. A young teenager answered the door. "Okay, here is your goddamn pizza that you made me come all this way to deliver and I do not appreciate it as it is a waste of my time and I could be getting drunk and trying to ask out a girl right now but instead I'm delivering to you. That will be §10 plus a §150,000 tip." moaned Lucas. The girl gave Lucas a negative look and replied, "I didn't order that and if you ever come back here with that attitude again, I'll ask my mom to complain to Immam about you!" The girl slammed the door in Lucas' face.

Lucas speeded through Sunset Valley with rage, knowing that Immam had tricked him just so he would go away. "I'll show him who he is messing with. Once I'm done, he'll be begging for me to not complain about him to Jose. Yes, that's right! I am Lucas and I..." As he was speaking to himself, Lucas was speeding the streets so fast that he had hit another veichle at an alarming speed...

Back at the diner, Immam was laughing so hard that he couldn't control himself as Lucas was pranked. Lauren walked over and asked, "What's so funny?" Immam looked shocked and replied, "Funny...uh let's see...a dog barked at me and then ran away." Lauren gave Immam a blank look, remained silent and walked away.

"Oh my god! My car! Jeez Louise, look where you're going!" complained the owner of a sports car. Lucas, who was very much alive, and still stupid for that matter replied, "You can blame Immam for this, he pranked me and I almost lost my life for it! Seriously, he is corrupted, he has nothing decent to work for! He is holding me back! I don't care what Charlie Sheen thinks, Lauren thinks I'm doing good and I'll do what I want and I will tell that to Immam!" The car owner, who was worried about his veichle replied, "Good luck, even though I don't know a single word you're saying! He better pay for this car..."

Chapter V: The Run Edit

"You sure you don't need to go to the hospital, bro?" asked the car owner. Lucas said no and ran back to the diner to confront Immam. As he ran, he felt thirsty and decided to stop in McDonald's for a drink.

"How may I serve you?" asked a mysterious voice. The clerk had his back turned to Lucas. "I'll just have a regular Coca-Cola please." replied Lucas. The clerk then replied, "No you won't!" Lucas had questioned the clerk's behavior. "No I won't? Who are you?"

"You were just in a crash weren't you, after you had to deliver a pizza, correct?" asked the clerk. Lucas nodded. The clerk then turned around and revealed himself to be Ronald McDonald. "Is it because I scare children at parties I throw for them? No. You argued non-stop with Immam and I just wanted to stir things up! You know we're business rivals, that's why I tried to kill you!" said Ronald. Lucas sprinted out of the McDonald's, only to slip in a puddle and fall to the ground. "You'll be back! See you when I ruin your restaurant!" shouted Ronald.

"Immam! Why did you give me a pizza from Ronald McDonald?" asked Lucas. Immam looked confused and replied, "Oh come on you incompetent loser, he shapeshifts for parties. We don't even sell pizza here! Burgers and kebabs, yes but no pizza!" replied Immam. Lucas then felt relieved and said, "That explains why yo-I mean he was so nice to me, eh?" Immam then looked at Lucas with hatred and walked off.

Lucas then sat in the toilet thinking about everything. "If it wasn't his car or his pizza and it was Ronald's then...oh my god, this makes no sense!" said Lucas loudly to himself, so loud that Jose walked in and said, "Shut up already amigo, some of us are trying to watch Sim Idol...NOW I MISSED WHAT SIMON COWELL SAID AND IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Lucas then sat there laughing at Jose as he had walked out of the room.

Chapter VI: Don't Stop the Party Edit

"The fries are meant to be cooked for five minutes, not two! Sometimes, you are very stupid!" moaned Immam. Lucas had become annoyed with Immam and his attempts to overshadow Lucas. "If you would just let me do what I want to do, you'll find that I'll do well enough. I am not bouncing around like the Energizer bunny. That means I can't learn to do something immediately, you give me no room to grow and I have had enough. I can do what I want, even if it is party all night long!" argued Lucas. Lucas then stormed back home.

"The burger is undercooked, the floor is dirty, the sauce is in the wrong place! I REALLY DON'T CARE WHAT HE THINKS!" shouted Lucas as he stormed into his home. Lucas then turned on some music and danced the night away. He invited some friends around his home as well as eating a pizza that wasn't made by Ronald McDonald and drinking non-stop. The Sunset Valley police were too busy raiding a warehouse to even care about Lucas' party.

"So yes Lion, you will be playing at the PGA tour this year! I will support you!" said Charlie Sheen. Lion Fabrics, a professional golfer replied, "What is that noise? I wanna check it out! Forget golf, I'm going to do some partying tonight because we might not get tomorrow! But you're not allowed, your restraining order with Warner Bros. stops you from doing that! HAHA I have a Platinum mood and a silver Plumbbob, you have red! How do you feel?" Charlie Sheen looked guilty and replied, "At least I'm not an idiot like you!"

As Lucas' party went on, there was a knock on the door. Lucas opened the door and Lion came in and shouted, "LET'S GET IT STARTED IN HERE!" Everyone partied like there would be no tomorrow. "So, what brings you to Sunset Valley?" asked Lucas. Lion looked at Lucas and replied, "I want to award the greatest chef at Hogan's Deep-Fried Diner for making a 5-course meal. They will win big..."

Chapter VII: Heat Edit

The next morning, Lucas walked into the diner. He had stormed into the break room, where Lauren, Jose and Immam weere drinking coffee. He shouted, "HAI GUISE, LION FABRICS IS COMING HERE FOR A FIVE COURSE MEAL! HE WANTS TO SEE WHO CAN DO IT THE BEST!" Everyone looked confused about what Lucas said. Immam replied, "Like we'll listen to you. Did you not go to high school after elementary because you sure sound like it." Feeling irritated by Immam's comment, Lucas reacted, "Actually, there is only one school in Sunset Valley and it covers all age groups! Now learn your facts and...y'know what, I can't be bothered with this! To hell with you guys, I'm going home!"

As Lucas was about to leave the diner, the mailman turned up and gave Lucas a letter. "Nice try amigo, you know I'm meant to collect mail. Hand it over before I deep-fry your cell phone and say a dog did it!" said Jose. Jose opened the envelope and read, "From the pen of Lion Fabrics...holy fajita, Lucas was right...this man is coming here!" Immam, Lauren and Lucas both ran towards Jose as he read the rest of the letter.

"Dear Owner of Hogan's Deep-Fried Diner,

I have heard great things about your establishment and I would like a five-course meal from your menu. I trust that you have highly trained staff working for you and I guarantee they'll do well.

However, I have researched your establishment. You have two chefs, Lucas and Immam. They both need to cook the five-course meal and the one which tastes the best will have their chef awarded with §10,000,000, but the loser will go to jail for a bank robbery I commited. The sentence is 40 years.

I look forward to eating here next Monday.


Lion Fabrics


Immam walked back into the kitchen, lauging so hard. "Just to think, my parents will be proud I am rich while that sucker is in jail. The heat is on!" Immam said to himself as he danced around the kitchen with joy, only to knock a box of ketchup off of the shelve. As it touched the floor, Jose shouted, "I heard that! You'll pay for it amigo!"

Lucas went to walk out the door. Lauren had walked out with him and said, "Lucas, you do plan to win, right?" Lucas looked Lauren in the eye and replied, "I have to give it everything, Immam is a great chef but he always puts me down. Is it because of my party lifestyle? Is it because I'm new? I don't know but wherever I am, he always peeks in and peeks out again!" Lauren held Lucas' hand and said, "I've heard the customers compliment your food. They seem to like having the secret sauce on top of the meat. I know you'll do fine, I want you to win!" Lucas smiled at Lauren and Lauren smiled back. As Lauren walked back into the restaurant, Lucas decided to walk home.

As Lucas arrived back home, he opened the door to find a business card on the floor. It read, "You have just had your party improved RUINED by Ronald McDonald!" On the back of the card, Ronald wrote, "Enjoy going to jail, you hopeless loser!" Lucas then looked disgusted at the card and commented, "What a freak!"

Chapter VIII: Corporate Meeting Edit

The Paparazzi followed a limo to an Abandoned warehouse in a remote part of Sunset Valley. Charlie Sheen had gotten out of the limo and went around the back of the warehouse. "Charlie, is it true that you have a new show set in Sunset Valley?" asked a member of the group. Sheen gave the paparazzi a blank look and replied, " go away before I lose my job on another show and hold a machete off the top of a roof!"

The paparazzi stood outside the warehouse for a long time. Dressed in a coat, wearing glasses and a hat, Immam went into the warehouse. "Sorry I am late, now what am I here for?" asked Immam. A figure in a chair replied, "Your timing is awful, you want me to ruin your party too or is that too much? For the record, I hate selling Happy Meals! I purposely make them taste awful!" The figure in the chair revealed himself to be Ronald McDonald.

At the meeting was Ronald, Sheen, Lion Fabrics and Immam. "You know the drill Immam, you must win this contest! I don't want to do another PGA tour with Andy Murray!" said Lion. "You're an idiot Fabrics, Andy Murray is a tennis player. Everyone understands that. Learn to learn n00b!" replied Sheen. As an argument broke out, Immam shouted, "Alright already! I cook the best meal ever and then we can celebrate the lulz of Lucas going to jail forever!" As everyone felt happy about what Immam had to do, Ronald replied, "One more thing: replace Lucas' stock with McDonald's branded stock, then we can watch the lulz! MWAHAHAHA!"

Later at midnight, the meeting had adjourned. As Immam was walking home, he bumped into Lucas. "Shouldn't you be in bed now, jedi padawan?" asked Immam. Lucas put on a brave face and replied, "I'm out to stop idiots like you from causing trouble. You are going to jail for a very long time bro, just you wait. I can step up my game very easily!" Lucas then walked away and Immam loudly shouted, "Run! It's all you can do now! Tomorrow is Friday! Saturday comes after Friday! You'll be getting down on Friday! Tomorrow will be your Last Friday Night! You'll see you hopeless loser, you'll see!" Much to his chagrin, Jose heard the noise from his house and shouted, "Didn't I deal with you yesterday amigo? Some of us have a soccer game to watch tomorrow! Now shoo!" Immam quickly walked away as Jose was shouting profanity in a foreign language.

Chapter IX: Trolling Edit

The next morning, the alarm went off at Lucas' home. He said to himself, "Hurrah! Another useless, boring day dealing with annoying, nasty, obnoxious people like Immam in addition to staring at Lauren all day while having Jose complain about noise. How terrific!" He went to the refrigerator to drink some Milk. He threw up straight after. Lucas grabbed the phone to call in sick. "Hallo dur...I threw up on milk and I can't come in today, please give me the day off so I can practice home cooking and beat Immam!" said Lucas on the phone. An annoyed Jose replied, "Nice try amigo, my wife left me again today and she took the kids. Do I get a day off? No I don't! Now get to work and stop wasting my time again!"

Lucas did reluctantly go to work. On his way, he had received a text message from an unrecognised cell phone number. It read, "HaHa U fAiL aT wOrK u ShUd GiV3 Up". Lucas replied to the message with the term, "Nou". As he arrived into work, he noticed that Lauren wasn't in her uniform. He asked, "How come you're not in uniform? Jose making things weird?" Lauren smiled and replied, "Nah, it's my day off. I am the customer and I want you to cook me a burger and some fries while you're at it!" Lucas rushed to cook the burger.

As Lucas went into the kitchen to prepare the burger, a disgruntled Immam was wondering why he received a text message saying, "Nou". Lucas laughed and finished preparing the burger. Lucas took the burger to Lauren and she thanked him. "So, Immam sent me some strange message and I replied and he thinks it's trolling!" said Lucas. Both he and Lauren laughed at Immam. Once Lauren had finished her burger, she said to Lucas, "This burger is proof...proof that you can cook better food than Immam. I don't care if you have a messed up lifestyle, you're amazing and I know you have what it takes!" Lucas thanked Lauren and smiled. "Anyway, I've got to go and buy a new iPod after some greedy businessman came up to me outside the grocery store, installed a computer chip in it and sent a Denial of Service attack to the iPod. I'll see you later!"

As Lauren left the diner, he sent another text to Immam. It read, "Did you get that text I sent you earlier? No? It's because my provider cut me off and I've just got a new one....LOSER!" As Immam received and read the message, Lucas cracked up. As usual, Jose had to say about the noise, "Keep it down already, I'm trying to sell my car!"

Chapter X: Home Cooking Edit

With only four days until Lion was to visit the diner, Lucas decided to rent himself a grill and a deep-fryer and practice his skills at home, only that he didn't know what Lion actually wanted on the day. Jose did allow Lucas to stay at home via a message on Lucas' answering machine. The message was, "Amigo, I need to clean the ice-cream maker after somebody clogged it up with a case of alcohol. You finally get your wish amigo but one day, you better ensure you have eyes in the back of your head!"

Lucas gave his cooking skills everything. He managed to prepare a fresh portion of fries, a burger, a starter option, a desert and a drink in a relatively quick amount of time, even if he did confuse the grill and the deep-fryer on one occasion. After he had finished practicing for the day, he wondered, "What in the world am I going to do with all of these?"

Lucas did think of something however, he invited residents of Sunset Valley into his house to buy the five courses for §4. Lucas did profit however, at the expense of Jose, who had lost money from buying the equipment and gambling on who would lose all of their money in a casino and losing. Lucas eventually became §1000 richer and his food received a good review. Much to his dismay, the teenager from Oak Grove Drive appeared but she purchased a burger and enjoyed it. She said, "Wow, I didn't think you had it in you to make something that tastes so good but you did! You should be proud!" Lucas then smiled with joy and replied, "Thank you very much and I'm sorry about what I said, I really am an annoying, obnoxious, irritating loser!" The girl did however forgive Lucas and she decided to move on.

Chapter XI: Bliss Edit

As Lucas managed to sell all of his food, he decided to call it a night, seeing as it was 11:30pm. Suddenly, someone knocked on his door. "I'm going to bed, come back tomorrow!" shouted Lucas. The knocking on the door wouldn't stop. While the knocking continued, Lucas again shouted, "I said no, go away please before I get angry and noone wants to see me when I'm angry!" Lucas then went to the door and as he opened it, he chanted, "Lucas angry! Lucas mad! Lucas SMASH!" He opened the door to find that it was Lauren. "Hey...come in!" said Lucas.

"What's up?" asked Lucas. Lauren then said to Lucas, "We don't expect to wake up the next day to think that it would be our last day on Earth...or at least our last day of freedom. We should make every moment count, no matter what!" Lucas then looked at Lauren and replied, "What in Sam Hill are you talking about? I'm not Charlie Sheen, who has to cheat on all of his wives to get what he wants or whatever the hell he did!" Lauren then smiled at Lucas and replied, "We have so much in common, and I love that!" Lauren and Lucas gazed into each other's eyes and shared a kiss. Lauren asked Lucas to go to bed with her and he held her hand and followed her into the room.

The next morning, Lucas woke up to find that Lauren had left. She then walked into the room and gave Lucas some breakfast. "Thanks...what happened last night?" asked Lucas. Lauren laughed and replied, "That thing I said about no tomorrow, we did what we wanted to do in case that today didn't exist. We did what we wanted to do and that makes us two of a kind!" Lucas couldn't believe what he had heard but he was happy that he had Lauren to himself.

As the couple went to work, they were gazing into each other's eyes all day long. When Immam saw what was going on, he said to himself, "Enjoy it while you'll be in a cell within three days time!" Lucas then worked harder than he had ever worked before and accidently gave someone a burger. Lucas, Lauren and the customer laughed at the accident with Immam whistling innocently and Jose acting usual.

Chapter XII: Conspiracy Edit

"So, you have the material I can tamper with?" asked Immam. Immam, Ronald McDonald, Lion Fabrics and Charlie Sheen were at the meeting that took place 24 hours before Lion was due to eat at the diner. "Here...use it wisely!" said Ronald. "Say Charlie, there is a blonde woman over there, dressed in a police uniform! Go talk to her!" commanded Lion. Charlie went into a room with the girl. "So..what do you want to do?" asked Sheen. The girl threw Sheen against the wall and said, "I know what you're up are going down Sheen! I promise you that! You'll fall even further down than you already are! If you tell anyone about me, I'll come for you!"

Back at Lucas' house, Lucas was watching TV. He was learning how to feel more secure and calm about a life-changing experience. He then got up out of his seat, ready to go to bed and he suddenly tripped over an Ethernet cable. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT TODAY DAMMIT, NOT TODAY!" shouted Lucas in agony. Lucas did manage to get up and get into bed.

Back at the diner, Immam sneaked in and replaced a box of materials for the chef with those branded from McDonald's, which would sabotage Lucas' chance of winning the §10,000,000. However, Lauren was working late at night to look for something in Jose's office when she saw the CCTV footage. She had then had to run to the toilet, where she threw up. By the time she felt better, Immam had already left the building.

Lauren quickly arrived at Lucas' home to warn him about Immam. "Lucas, I don't know if you can hear me but someone, probably Immam, has been into your work area, be careful tomorrow!" said Lauren. As Lauren was about to leave, Lucas opened the door and kissed her. "You said we might not get tomorrow...let's make tonight count!" Lucas said to Lauren. He invited Lauren into the house, where they spent what could have been their final night together.

Chapter XIII: Zero Edit

It was D-Day for either Immam or Lucas. One would stand while the other would fall. "I am ready for this...I will show that my cooking talent pays off!" said Immam, as he was at home preparing for the day. Lucas was also at home preparing himself. "By the way, I won't be able to stay for the whole thing, if that's okay?" asked Lauren. Lucas nodded and replied, "It's fine, I'll be alright!"

Jose had set up the diner ready for the cook-off. Both of the chefs had arrived in the kitchen, ready to cook. Lion had arrived through the door and said, "Why did the golfer cross the lake? To get his ball on the other side! I know, it fails! We're here to see one fail - a chef fail! Now hurry up and cook mein food before I sell my shares to McDonald's Corporation." For some reason, the words, "McDonald's Corporation" were stuck in Lucas' mind.

"Ready amigos? This will be great, I promise. If it isn't, you can sue my wife, she left me and took all the money! She is now in Greenland! Ready...Set...Go!" shouted Jose. Both Lucas and Immam gave it everything. Lion sat there waiting impatiently for the food to be prepared. On the subject of evil, Charlie Sheen was writing a script for a new TV show named "Two and a half Women" while Ronald McDonald was planning...something.

"Concentrate...this is zero time!" thought Lucas. While Lucas was trying everything, Immam had a strange feeling about what he was doing. He thought to himself, "What is this? I don't even! If I am beaten by Mr. I LOVE FRIDAYS then I will cry!"

Chapter XIV: Judgement Day Edit

As both Lucas and Immam had finished preparing their main courses, Lion demanded that he would taste them. Lucas was the first to take his burger to Lion. As Lion tasted it, he commented, "This's so's like a's a once in a lifetime opportunity that I can taste something this good! Wow, this is by far the best thing I have ever tasted and I feel like I'm in heaven." Lucas then gave Lion the other courses that he had prepared. Lion tasted and again commented, "Oh my god, oh my god, I want more! More! More! MORE!.

As Lion was impressed with Lucas' offering, he demanded that he would taste Immam's offering. As he tasted Immam's food, Lion threw up all over the table and shouted, "This is worse than the garbage that they give you at McDonald's! I need to go to the hospital! See you in jail you godforsaken loser! Bleh, I'm going to be sick for a week!" Lucas laughed at Immam as he knew that Immam would be going to jail for having poor quality food. It seemed that Immam had an epic fail and used the McDonald's laxatives. "NOOOOOO! DAMN YOU! I WORKED SO HARD FOR THIS AND IT HAS NOW GONE DOWN THE DRAIN! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING! MY LIFE IS RUINED! I NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO LISTEN TO REBECCA BLACK! THIS ISN'T FUNNY!" shouted Immam.

The female police officer who attacked Charlie Sheen arrived in the diner. "Please don't, I'll do anything!" begged Immam. The police officer then slapped Immam as he fell on the floor and she revealed herself to be Lauren in disguise. "I know that you, Lion, McDonald and Sheen were working together! Looks like the real police are hopeless loser!" said Lauren. Lauren then rushed over to Lucas and hugged him. The real Sunset Valley police detained Immam and as he was being carried away he shouted, "This is only the beginning! I will get down on Friday! I know that Saturday is the day after Friday! I know which seat I will take! You'll see! You'll all see!"

"I'm just glad you're okay!" Lauren said to Lucas. As Lucas celebrated his victory, he admitted that things were far from over. "Just because we foiled Immam doesn't mean it's the end! We still need to take care of Sheen and McDonald...and we will! Now to go and clean up!" replied Lucas. As he went into the kitchen to clean up, he somehow slipped on a frying pan and his head landed in a bucket of water. Everyone in the diner, including Lauren and Jose laughed at Lucas and Jose went on to say, "Stupido Idiota, amigo!"

Chapter XV: A Reeling Corporation Edit

With Lion being taken ill and Immam in jail, Ronald McDonald and Charlie Sheen held a secret meeting in their warehouse to decide how to move forward with putting Hogan's Deep-Fried Diner out of business. "This is no time for jokes! No time for parties! We need to get you off of the drugs and into action! You took a share in the McDonald's Corporation for a reason. I don't want to have to see Disney's latest cash grab in the Happy Meal ever again!" shouted Ronald. Sheen hastily replied, "The drugs are doing s0m3th1ng useful. I say we take that diner and put them out of business! We grab their bank details and then give Lucas his §10,000,000 reward...from that fund! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Ronald then looked at Sheen and replied, "For once, I agree with you!"

They weren't the only ideas that the corporation had. McDonald's started to deliver food to people's houses, unlike the diner. As Jose watched a news report on the TV regarding this, he angrily shouted, "NO NO NO NO NO OH MY GOD THIS IS NOT HAPPENING! I AM LOSING MONEY AND I HAVE THE BEST CHEF IN THE WHOLE OF SUNSET VALLEY!" Lucas rushed into the office and shouted, "Argh, them...again! We'll combat McDonald's, we'll take it to where it hurts the most. Then Charlie Sheen's life will be even more messed up!" Jose then looked at Lucas and replied, "Amigo, I now like you more than soccer matches...and I love those things!" Jose sobbed and hugged Lucas, much to his dismay.

The residents of Sunset Valley saw the McDonald's cars driving around all day in a similar fashion to how often Garfield wants Lasanga. As they were all muttering to themselves, they see a parade outside the City Hall. It was Charlie Sheen advertising McDonald's. "Today, it is a new generation! No more leaving your home for a Big Mac! No more driving all the way to McDonald's just for a Happy Meal toy, which now, or you could just take a picture of me with a Kodak!" announced Sheen as thousands used their Kodaks to take a picture of him. "Mine is a Polaroid, does that matter? Also, are Kodak paying you to advertise for them? I thought they went bankrupt." asked a member of the crowd. Sheen then continued, "Sure, whatever. But now McDonald's will be delievering food to your door and we'll be opening more restaurants across the city! Our new super restaurant will be opening soon, right next to the business complex!"

Jose and Lucas were sitting in the office watching Sheen on the TV. "Bah! They can't build a McDonald's right next to the business complex! What a load of deep fryer grease!" said Jose. Lucas then looked confused and replied, "That's where...we are, we're right next to the business complex! McDonald is planning to demolish us to build his restaurant here...and we're going to stop them!" Lucas then moonwalked out of Jose's office, only to slip on the floor...again.

Chapter XVI: Fame and Horror Edit

As Lucas wandered around the streets of Sunset Valley, he saw people everywhere eating a Big Mac and carrying around a Happy Meal with Charlie Sheen's face on it. There were billboards with Charlie Sheen too. It was like that he had become the new face of McDonald's, leaving Ronald McDonald in the dark. Lucas saw all of this and thought to himself, "This isn't right!"

Lucas walked past the business complex to find construction-related veichles, again with Charlie Sheen's face on them. The sight of these things angered Lucas. He ran to Lauren's house to tell her what had happened. He knocked on the door. "Lauren! Goddammit open up! This is important!" shouted Lucas. She then ran to the door to greet Lucas. Lucas wondered why she took so long. Lucas walked into her house and saw a pregnancy test in the trash can. He looked at Lauren, wondering what was going on. "Remember...what we did before the cook-off? Well...I'm pregnant!" announced Lauren. Lucas then responded, "Uhh... awesome!"

As Lucas and Lauren celebrated their pregnancy, they rushed to the diner to tell Jose. However, the IRS Ronald McDonald Tax Audit Association had prosecuted Jose as they arrived for "tax evasion". Lucas then saw Charlie Sheen in the back of the transport veichle. "You think you've won, don't you? Well Lion Fabrics is due to deposit the §10,000,000 into my bank account in the morning and that money is going towards our child! But before anything happens, you're going down Sheen! I promise you that this Friday will be your Last Friday Night!" shouted Lucas. Sheen then looked at Lucas and replied, "You really are just a hopeless loser aren't you...pathetic!" In a cuss term to Sheen, a member of the crowd chanted, "Hey Sheen, U FAIL AT TV! U HAVE A MESSED UP LIFE LOZAR! U FAIL! U FAIL! U FAIL!" Sheen angrily told his driver to step on the pedal as Lucas vowed revenge.

Chapter XVII: The End of an Era Edit

"What is it Sheen? Can't you see I'm planning a Final Strike on that diner after you got their leader?" asked McDonald. Sheen walked around the warehouse laughing his head off as he replied, "You just don't get it do you? This current era doesn't work! Give it up! It's all over and I'm taking everything!" McDonald angrily stared at Sheen and replied, "Do you have anything else to say before stealing my remaining dignity?" Sheen then laughed again and shouted, "Hahahahaha I am always winning! Always!"

Lucas and Lauren sat down and turned the TV on. The newscaster read, "Our top business story today, Ronald McDonald has filed for bankruptcy after Sheen Enterprises purchased the entire company, making Charlie Sheen the second richest man in the world. It is also rumored that he will take over Microsoft Micro$oft from Bill Gates!" Both Lucas and Lauren were shocked. Lucas said, "We have to get Sheen before he takes over the world, there has to be a way..." Lauren then turned the TV off and replied, "I know what Sheen did and we're not going to let him get away with it!"

"Yes...YES! Finally, my plan has come together! Now my wife will probably take me back, no matter how much I fail, because I am a winner, winners are rich, winners have knowledge and noone can take it away from me! Not anyone!" shouted Sheen. However, a manly voice from inside the warehouse heard what Sheen said and the man replied, "I can stop you...I can ruin your life even more than it already is..."

Chapter XVIII: Confrontation Edit

"Before I launch my new sitcom, which I hope is better than Two and a Half Men, which I lost my job on before I became the best man on the planet, who the heck are you?" asked Sheen. The man charged himself at Sheen and revealed himself to be Lucas. "I know EXACTLY what you're up to, it was all your plan to send Jose to the slammer so you have no competition, you betrayed McDonald so you could have all of his assets...I am not stupid like you Sheen, I know everything!" shouted Lucas. Sheen panicked as Lucas held him by the shirt.

Lucas continued to take his anger out on Sheen. " have grown up a lot really think you can be a hero? Hahaha you're even better than my sitcom! Why don't you become a guest one day? We'll go to rehab together! We could be best friends!" said Sheen. Lucas was having none of it and as he ensured that Sheen couldn't escape, Lucas pushed Charlie Sheen out of a top floor window of the warehouse.

Tourists from around the world rushed to Sheen's landing spot to take pictures of him bleeding. "Shut up! SHUT UP AND GO AWAY ALREADY! A man walked over and complained to Sheen, "I was fit and healthy before I went to your look at me! I SAID LOOK AT ME ALREADY! EVEN ADAM SANDLER IS SITTING AT HOME LAUGHING!" The man announced that he would sue Charlie Sheen for §100,000,000. As Sheen ran away, a comedian from Kazakhstan laughed at Sheen's failure and said, "Very nice!"

Chapter XIX: Back to Life Edit

As the word went around that Charlie Sheen filed for bankruptcy, Jose was released from prison, with Sheen being charged for tax evasion, harassment, theft of property, vandalism and being a general failure. "Amigo, it has never been so good to get out of jail. They threw me into a small room with a serial was not nice...he stole my underwear! MY UNDERWEAR!" cried Jose. Lucas comforted Jose as he helped to reopen Hogan's Deep-Fried Diner.

"Now Zombie, do you promise to behave on your job and not eat brains?" asked Lucas. The zombie-obsessed employee replied, "i can work so much without eating brains for enjoyment! TROLOLOL" Lucas looked at the employee and replied, "At least you said trololol instead of trolololo, like you did on your job interview."

"Amigos, we've had a tough time recently but I can honestly say that I am happy that things are back to the way they were." shouted Jose. Everybody celebrated the return to business. As everyone seemed over the moon, Lucas received a phone call. "Hello, who is this?...The hospital? What's up?...Yah...I see..."

Chapter XX: Heir to the Throne Edit

Lucas rushed to the hospital in Sunset Valley so he could visit Lauren, who was in labor with their child. As Lucas was in his car, he went past Charlie Sheen, who was sitting on the wrong side of the tracks. "Yep...another day in my life! I miss my pills!" cried Sheen. Lucas went past the McDonald's drive-thru to see that Ronald McDonald regained control of his business. "I hereby declare that McDonald's will support the Disney Corporation and we will no longer try to oust our competitors by sabotaging everything they have. Today is a new beginning! Time for a birthday party!" As McDonald saw the kids' birthday party, they surprisingly laughed at him, rather than cried their eyeballs out.

Lucas went past Oak Grove Road to see a familiar sight. He saw the girl with another boy and they seemed happy together. Lucas said to himself, "There is always a silver lining, it can come in different forms." As he said his short monologue, he throttled his car and black smoke came out of the exhaust. While the majority of Oak Grove Road were annoyed, the girl laughed and said, "That's comedy!"

Lucas finally arrived at the hospital. He was guided by the Doctor to the room, where Lauren was yet to give birth. "Sorry I'm late, a lot popped up... I WON HARDER THAN CHARLIE SHEEN! THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE...and I'm finally having a child!" shouted Lucas. Surprisingly, Lauren was understanding of Lucas' situation and she laughed with him. A split second later, she screamed in agony. "Okay, this is going to be tough..." said the Doctor.

After a long procedure, the birth of Lucas and Lauren's child was complete. "Congratulations, you have a healthy baby boy!" announced the Doctor. Lucas went to Lauren's bedside as they looked at their baby. "He has your eyes and my nose." Lauren cried happily. Lucas then smiled and replied, "We have a great looking kid and I know he'll turn out just fine...maybe even better than me." The Doctor looked at Lucas and Lauren happily, knowing that they have something that they could cherish together. "My Mom and Dad said they wouldn't criticise whatever we called him and I don't know what to call decide." said Lauren. Lucas looked at the baby again and asked, "If that's your you care what we call him?" Lauren then replied, "Anything will suit him!" Lucas took one last look at Lauren and then the baby. He grabbed his cell phone and sent a text message to Jose. The message read, "U will be jelly wen U C our baby, I no U will!" Lucas finally said, "I guess we should call him..."

Development Edit

It was made from a fresh idea in some guy's head and it evolved rapidly. It was also made to fight its biggest rival but all parties eventually gave up in the fight. The creator wanted to make the story dramatic while entertaining and funny as well as giving a message to the reader, hence the plot, character development and celebrity appearances.

Reception Edit

The Diner Guy was generally well received and was nominated for Featured Fan Fiction. BobNewbie, the director of A Nightmare on Oak Grove Road commented that The Diner Guy "gets better after each chapter." DanPin called it the "Best. Fan fiction. EVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!"

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