Fanon:The Adventures of Gabe Newell: Doo Peas Corporate Torture

The Adventures of Gabe Newell: Doo Peas Corporate Torture is a fan-fiction written by Lost Labyrinth. As suggested by the title, the protagonist is the Valve founder, Gabe Newell, and the story reflects on the rivalry between EA and Valve...

Characters

 * Gabe Newell - the main protagonist. He is very clear about his thoughts and will try anything against EA.
 * John Riccitiello - the main antagonist. He is the head of EA and has a high focus on capitalism.

Prologue
In the lovely neighborhood of Sunset Valley, all was well. Everyone was enjoying the sunshine and living life to the fullest. Unsurprisingly however at Goth Manor, everything was as dreary and depressing as ever but that didn't stop the Goth family from having a good time.

One day however as young Mortimer Goth was preparing for bed, he found a bizarre weapon in the upstairs bathroom. Mortimer fired the weapon at the wall to which a blue circular object appeared, known as a blue portal. Unknown to him however, the orange portal was fired at another wall in a large office complex. Mortimer walked through the portal to explore the other side. "...and with these sales figures for 2012, I'm pleased to announce that...why hello there!" said a suited man of a high ranking. "Say what do you have there? Is that...a portal gun?" asked the man. Mortimer looked worried. "W-Who are you?" asked Mortimer. The man chuckled and replied, "How rude of me. My name is JOHN RICCITIELLO and I am the CEO of Electronic Arts. Now son, that weapon is a major part of our corporations plans, just like you. Rod Humble would be so proud his digital creations are alive. Now I think together we can work out our own little secret..."

Chapter 1: Equilibrium
11:30am at Valve Corporations's HQ in the real word, GabeN, as he was known by popular culture, had called a meeting. "Ladies and gentlemen...we need to gear up for the launch of our new game. I am very ambitious about this product as I'm sure it'll defeat the trainwreck known as Origin. If they weren't so iffy with DLC such as Crysis 2 stuff and delaying DLC for The Sims 3 then maybe we could love them but now they've crossed the line with their antics." proclaimed Gabe. Another Valve employee commented, "But your royal highness GabeN, EA added the rest of the TS3 DLC to Steam!" Gabe looked and shouted, "I don't care. Riccitiello is evil and he's the enemy!". "Now...any questions?"

As the crowd sat, one employee who uses the online pseudoism known as "Cycl0n3 Sw0rd" asked, "What about Half-Life 3?" Gabe looked at Cycl0n3 and replied, "Worth the wait". Cycl0n3 then asked, "Okay what about Half-Life 2 Episode 3?" Gabe then looked annoyed and insisted, "Worth. The. Wait." Cycl0n3 then shut himself up to let Gabe finish.

"As we're out of questions, I can safely say--" said Gabe before he was interrupted. The double doors were kicked open by John Riccitiello, who was holding the portal gun formerly possessed by Mortimer. "Hello Gabe!" proclaimed John. All of Valve's employees looked surprised to see him in the building. "How on earth did you get past security?" asked Gabe. John laughed and replied, "I bribed them with a Steam gift card! You may be wondering why I am here? Well I can't let you launch this top secret product of yours and I am here to stop you!" John then fires an orange portal at the wall behind Gabe and launches the desk towards him, forcing Gabe to go through the portal and ultimately end up inside a sewer. "What the hell?" asked Gabe. John finally replied, "No hard feelings Gabe...I just need you gone for a while." John then fires a blue portal at the wall behind him, causing Gabe to be trapped inside the sewer. "Great...where am I?" asked Gabe, with noone in sight to hear him out.

As Gabe wandered through the sewers, he finally found a ladder back to land. Unfortunately for him, it wasn't how he remembered it. Gabe climbed out of the sewer and looked around. "Everything looks...cartoon-y!" Gabe wondered. He then looked at a person who looked cartoonish. "Hey you little girl, where am I?" asked Gabe. The little girl looked at him weirdly and replied, "You're in Central Park!" Gabe facepalmed and then asked, "More specifically...am I still in Virginia?" The little girl giggled and replied, "No silly, you're in Sunset Valley!" Gabe then looked confused and realised, "This place isn't real, is it?"